Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
