So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize