After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
