I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
