Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
