dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
