We're facebook friends in real life
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
why is half of my head shaved?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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