Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
