walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
