I'm gonna have a badass scar
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
