Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
did i just pee glitter
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
