part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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