What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
