He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
