I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
