i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
