Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
