Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
