How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You've changed since you got that strap on
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
