it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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