I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Mom said you looked used
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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