halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize