She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
