She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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