C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
