I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
