Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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