I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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