Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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