Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
