brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Apparently you make a good broom.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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