I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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