After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
