My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
