The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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