I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
