he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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