i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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