i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
