I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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