i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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