Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
