A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize