I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
