just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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