I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
