So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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