Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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