I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
