oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Your penis caused this!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
