she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
