How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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