i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
