I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
