he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
