I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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