You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
