were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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