my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
