SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
