We're like a lot better than the average bears
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
