just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
