Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
