Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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