Don't you send me to vm
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
