I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
