there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
