who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
