so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
