I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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