OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
