So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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