don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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