You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
