So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
