My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
