He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
