Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
