Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
