I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
