New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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