It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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