I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
