Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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