dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize