Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
