yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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