I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
