And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
