Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
