i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
please don't ironically join a cult
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