you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Bring me that man meat
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
