But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
