u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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