Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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