I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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