she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
