Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
